The morning sun
Its glittering rays
The scent of orange
Heavy in the air
At a table for two
We sit opposite
Fragrant coffees between
Relaxed in the warm sun
Love flows on a tentative breeze
Ruby Tuesday and California Dreamin’ were both written in the 1960’s (like me), but it would be 20 years before Time After Time would be released. All were released during the winter. The artists have nothing in common that I know of (Rolling Stones, Cyndi Lauper, and The Mamas and the Papas, respectively.) The lyrics do have some commonality though, in my opinion, and that would be that the songs are reflections (musings) on the past and something that was lost. Ruby Tuesday is perhaps that elusive woman who defies categorization, and comes into your life only briefly – yet leaves this indelible imprint and a wistful longing for something intangible. Time After Time absolutely tells a story of the past and what it’s like to cling to that. Finally, California Dreamin’ has a similar theme of longing for something once known but no longer a part of the current reality. It must also be pointed out that all three of these songs inhabited my subconsciousness on a do loop for too long, plaguing me endlessly and ultimately causing me to question myself (hence the preceding post).
It occurred to me, as things often do in that background program that runs while I perform my duties at work, that these songs and the images that accompanied them have everything to do with my own past. Anybody who says “duh” at this juncture needs to hush right now! How many of you can honestly state you are 100% switched on to self awareness mode at every single moment of every single day, hmm? I’m probably more “switched on” than most people I know Still, this realization was rather an epiphany for me, and one that (while disturbing on a level) made me feel somewhat comforted. I am a half-century old, plus a bit more, and that means there is a lot of past back there, trailing behind me like a cargo train. The only time we ever get to step into the past is through a dream state or meditation. It’s all there, in the brain’s memory banks. I would dearly love to know if memories are stored in individual honeycomb-like cells or if they are layered one on top of another like sheaves of paper. A topic for another day perhaps.
“How much longer can you hold on?” I asked of that shadow person who was cold, alone and sad. “Is it too late to save you?” These questions, when put into the context of looking at my own self, left me feeling a little anxious. Did my old self really need to be pulled out of the obscure past and into the present? In attempting to answer this question, I found that the order of the lyrics is possibly significant. You see, when I was barely an adult (20, and technically little more than a child) I got married. After 16 years of that marriage-and dramatic personal changes- I left it behind, loading up a truck and moving away. “Goodbye Ruby Tuesday, Who could hang a name on you? When you change with every new day, Still I’m going to miss you…” My ex husband has always been there, keeping the light on in a manner of speaking, if I ever wanted to come home. “If you’re lost you can look and you will find me, Time after time…” But, I had headed West to California. “All the leaves are brown, And the sky is grey, California Dreamin’ on such a winter’s day…”
Is there still some part of me that looks back to who and where I used to be, longing for the past, or is something much stranger at play?
I can hear you, here in my mind. You cry, you sing yourself to sleep, and dream of warm things: that steaming cup of tea held between both hands while you gazed at the summer garden in full bloom; and that seaside cafe with its 70’s decor and what must have been the best potato leek soup the world had ever known. Your despair is nearly palatable. How much longer can you hold on? How do I even know you’re still alive? Is it too late to save you, was I ever meant to save you? I don’t know who or where you are. I only hear the echo of the song you sing, haunting and barely audible: California dreaming on such a winter’s day...
Updated: August 2011 whilst waving at the dusty air and vacuuming up the cobwebs…
Welcome to my Caffe! Such as it is. I expect it’s a bit like walking into a boarded-up, abandoned and lonely building with planks nailed to the windows and a Condemned sign hanging from the front door. My apologies, firstly, for the sad state of this too long abandoned caffe.
In the event you’re interested in my history, I first started this blog in the winter of 2008 and for a time it served as a genuine source of entertainment and a unique outlet for my eccentricities. It ultimately died a painful, albeit expected, death; and subsequently, I folded it away and tucked it on a shelf in my closet. I was never willing to fully throw it away because, no matter what, I couldn’t bring myself to delete my beloved David Tennant pages.
Lately, I’ve been thinking of reviving the Caffe, with one caveat: I won’t bring my David Tennant page back to life. I want to keep it instead as a historical reminder of the good Doctor Ten. For me, my Doctor Who chapter ended with the conclusion of the Doctor as portrayed by David Tennant. Thanks to the crack down on You Tube by the BBC, I have had virtually zero exposure to Matt Smith as the eleventh Doctor. This coupled with the extenuating circumstance of not having access to BBC America, I have been heartachingly deprived of the new seasons. I can’t write about something I have no knowledge of. You Brits, and even the Canadians and Australians to a certain extent, are the lucky ones.
I have not decided if I want to keep my Poet’s page or not. I have been focussing on a novel for quite some time now, so poetry has been relegated to the same dusty shelf of my closet where my blog has resided for so long. I may instead turn that page into a repository for my up and coming book. Stay tuned.
Alas,“I like this place, and willingly could waste my time in it.” I will clean up and see if the espresso machine still works. I hope you’ll join me for a cuppa now and then.
The California Chronicle, via the Sunday Mail; Glasgow (UK) [see here] and Express.co.uk [see here] are both reporting that not only is Hollywood planning a Doctor Who movie, but also that David Tennant is being courted to play the much-coveted role of the Doctor.
Intrigued? See my David Tennant News Blog (sidebar to the right) to read more…